Blameless
by vodoodollz
Summary: We are all not so blameless when you think about it. SLASH. Angst. Death-fic. Swearing. Snarry.


**Well, this little oneshot came to me and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. Everyone has to face their personal demons sometime; so this fic was a little personal as well. I hope you like it, please tell me what you think.**

* * *

Rage. Hot blinding rage. Scorching tears. Choking betrayal.

_Red._

"CRU-"

"Protego"

Hatred. Fear. Betrayal. Guilt. Rage -

_Red._

"CRUCI-"

"Protego"

"You're going to have to do better than that you foolish child," Snape says in his usual snapish manner, as if they were in the potions classroom standing over yet another failed attempt at the week's potion.

As if he hadn't just killed his mentor. _Their_ mentor.

"SHUT-UP!!" I scream, tears choking in my throat; blinding my eyes; tearing at my chest.

"You killed him. You fucking killed him – you monster," I cry.

Why? Why? Why?

He smirks – that infuriating smirk. I hate him.

_Green._

"ADVR-"

"Protego"

"Come on Potter; surely you can do better than that," he taunts – always taunting.

Why?

Murderer. Betrayer. Judas.

Why?

"CR-"

"Protego"

"ADV-"

"Protego"

I slump to the wet, icy ground. I can feel the mud soak into my jeans – freezing my skin. My cloak is already saturated from the rain. I don't care' I'm too tired to care – too cold.

I'm already frozen.

"Foolish child, YOU KNOW NOTHING!! Go back to the castle," he sneers as I struggle to raise my shaking arm.

"Expelliarmus"

My wand flies out of my weak hand and into his own stronger one. My arm falls uselessly to my side as I hang my head – too tired to go on.

Why?

I wait for the final blow – for surely it must be coming after all the ones I tried to send his way. Tried.

"Go back Harry"

I feel my wand hit my knees as it skids over the muddy ground. I look up surprised just in time to see him cross the wards and apparate. His deep black eyes starring into my own green ones.

Why?

_Black._

* * *

I jolt awake; my breathing is heavy and irregular; my face wet with tears; my heart pounding in my chest. A chest that hurts with a familiar ache. It was the same nightmare; same _memory_. Of that night; the night that traitor killed their mentor. The night he was frozen in shock – unable to fight; to defend. Unable to do anything as that green light took another loved one away from him.

"Traitor," I whisper ever so slightly that it only sounded like I exhaled.

'Really?' a voice whispers back to me – unheard by anyone other than myself,

'Are you really that blameless? Are you not just as at fault as him?'

"No. No, I didn't kill him. I-" I whisper back.

Talking to voices only you could hear – it was like second year all over again.

'No, you didn't shot the curse. No, you did much worse – you sat and watched and did nothing,' the voice answers; cold, emotionless.

"I couldn't do anything. D-Dumbledore, h-he held me down with that spell. H-He-" I choke, tears are streaming down my cheeks afresh now.

'Really? Could Dumbledore really hold down The-Boy-Who-Lived; the Chosen One. Weak – you were just to weak.'

"No-"

'Yes. Admit it, you wanted the meddling old coot dead. Just punishment I'd say for what he put you through. For not helping you growing up. For sending _us_ back to _that_ place year after year.'

I choke on a sob, unable to answer out loud. No. No. I shake my head. No, it wasn't like that.

'You couldn't move because you didn't want to.'

"No," I whisper back just as harshly.

It wasn't like that. That wasn't him. He couldn't – the spell – he couldn't.

"He was dying-"

'Yes, he was dying anyway. Why put the blame on _him_. You're not so blameless.'

I choke again at the memories I tried my best to burry.

The begging. The pleading. The dead bodies in the black water; screaming, clawing.

_Green._

The potion. The screams.

_Gold._

The locket – the fake.

'Oh yes, now you remember. You were killing him – you killed your mentor. Killed him with that poison. He was begging you to stop.'

"H-He told me not to. He m-made me give an oath," I plead back,

"No matter what he said or done, h-he told me not to stop. He said h-he was d-dying anyway."

'So the blame is on the headmaster? His foolish attempts at resurrecting his sister. The ring. The fool. So who is blameless? Who is at fault?'

"S-Sna-"

'And the memories Dumbledore left in the penseive attested to that.'

Yes, Snape was only acting on Dumbledore's orders – the oath. Snape was just as much a pawn as he was.

_Their_ mentor.

Snape.

_Red._

Severus...

A soft snore snaps me back to the present – and to myself. The voice disappears like a dementor against a patronous as the warm body next to me snuggles deeper into my side. The warm puff of air tickles against my naked skin, raising goosebumps up my side and down my legs.

I smile as I look down at my sleeping loved one beside me. I tuck away a loose strand of hair that had fallen over the face of my sleeping partner.

I hadn't disturbed him in my angst nightmare.

"Yes, we're not all blameless," I whisper to myself as I lay down again beside my lover, tucking him into my arms.

I place a soft kiss on a large, crooked nose and smile as his long dark eyelashes flutter.

"Harry?" a soft tenor reaches my ears.

"It's alright love, I'm sorry to disturb you. Go back to sleep," I whisper back as I place another soft kiss on his closing eyelids.

"I love you," he whispers before sleep once again takes him.

Laying in the dark, I watch his feature soften in sleep. The sky outside is only just starting to grey; however morning was a few hours off yet. Settling in as I feel sleep once again call me, I whisper back;

"I love you too, Severus."

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